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Someone wrote in
2014-08-01 10:29 pm (UTC)
Everything Is Totally Normal
(sorry this is stupid and tediously long and plays a bit too much with sjw bbang)
Himchan had been dating Yongnam for just shy of two weeks and Yongguk was completely okay with the situation.
He loved his brother and Himchan was his band member and good friend. If they were happy, he was happy. It was all totally normal. Yongguk had been quick to show his support; it was the right thing to do, him being liberal and all. He'd even read books on the matter of homosexuality and was from a relatively open-minded family, he'd grown up being taught that discriminating against others was wrong.
When Yongnam had first confided in Yongguk that he was attracted to men, Yongguk had admittedly been a mite surprised. Yongnam was the elder twin, the more confident twin, who unlike Yongguk, had no issue when it came to attracting girls. Yongguk wasn't one to stereotype, but Yongnam had never
Not that there was nothing wrong with that.
Yongnam had had boyfriends before Himchan, Yongguk knew, but he'd never really had the chance to meet them before. He'd trained for so long and been so far away from home that he'd never really had the time for that. Now that Yongnam was staying at the dorm for a few weeks whilst B.A.P had a short break and crashing in Yongguk’s room, however, he had the opportunity to witness his brother not only with a boyfriend, but a boyfriend who Yongguk already knew.
It wasn't weird that it was Himchan, either (even if Himchan was kind of loud and naggy and annoying at times, he seemed to make Yongnam happy.). It wasn't weird to see them kissing or have Himchan mention how hot his brother was. His twin brother. His Identical twin brother.
Yongguk was so down with that.
“It’s not a big deal,” He told Jongup one day, when the two of them had been alone in the kitchen and Yongguk was pondering the relationship to himself, leaning against the counter with a lukewarm bowl of ramen in his hands.
Jongup had looked up slowly from where he had been stirring a mug of freshly brewed hot chocolate, blinking owlishly. “I didn't say anything, hyung.”
Yongguk had shrugged it off when Jongup left the room rather abruptly, throwing him nervous glances over his shoulder, and wondered when his meal had gotten so cold.
At the end of the day, just so everyone knew, if Himchan was in love with Yongguk’s identical twin brother then as far as Bang Yongguk was concerned, that was A-Okay.
It was even okay when he'd walked in on them kissing on Yongguk’s bed, tigger kicked unceremoniously to the floor and Himchan panting against Yongnam’s lips, face flushed. It was okay when Himchan came up to Yongguk in the kitchen and pinched his butt, only laughing apologetically when Yongguk had flinched and bit his own tongue off.
“Sorry, Bbang, I thought you were ‘Nam.”
Maybe some men’s resolve would have been shaken when, after spending the night alone with Yongnam in his room, Himchan had passed Yongguk in the hall the morning after with a look in his eyes, but not Yongguk. It didn't mean anything that Himchan had barely met his eyes and that his cheeks looked ever so slightly pink. He hadn't been acting shifty at all. He definitely hadn't been looking at Yongguk in a new light, thinking anything like, ‘I know exactly what you look like naked now’. Definitely not.
Some men might obsess over that look, but Bang Yongguk would never be so paranoid.
Yongguk was so secure and comfortable with all of this that he was even writing a new song for the next album about how overcoming prejudices would unify Korea and society as a whole. He was just mulling this over over a cup if tea after dumping his ramen when a familiar voice called to him from the doorway.
“I’m Yongguk,” Yongguk did not squawk, turning around so quickly that he almost sloshed the contents of his steaming hot cup all over his hand at the sound of Himchan’s voice.
Himchan, leaning against the doorway in his boxer shorts and an oversized jumper that definitely didn't belong to him, raised his eyebrows slightly. “I know.”
“Right.” Yongguk blew over his tea coolly. “Of course you do.”
Himchan stared at him for a moment longer before seeming to shrug something off, letting out a soft sound of amusement. He padded across the tiled floor and joined Yongguk by the counter, leaning past him to reach for his jar of coffee. Yongguk might have flinched when he did so, but it was only because he didn't want to hinder Himchan’s routine of making his coffee (he was scary without his caffeine). Himchan paused once more but didn't say anything, straightening up and spooning some granules into a mug. Yongguk sipped his tea and they carried on this way in a silence that was in no way awkward. He was a moment away from forging an excuse to go see what cartoon Jongup and Junhong were watching in the next room, when Himchan spoke at last:
“Hey, Yongguk, you're not uncomfortable with me and Yongnam dating, are you?”
Yongguk almost choked on his tea. “What-“
“Because it's okay if you are.” Himchan cut in, shrugging, mug in one hand and spoon in the other. “We should be able to talk about it.”
“When have I ever given you the impression that I’m…uncomfortable with anything?” Yongguk spluttered, setting his cup down on the counter with a little more force than necessary. This time tea did slip over the rim and scald his skin, but he tried not to wince.
Himchan raised his hands slightly as if in mock surrender, looking both amused and slightly perturbed. Yongguk wished he'd go back to making his coffee and leave him alone, as frankly he was feeling very attacked right now, but that process seemed to have been abandoned for the time being. “It's just that you haven't really spoken to me about anything related to Yongnam and if its brought up you just laugh, change the subject and leave the room or just repeat over and over that you're okay with it.”
“You're being paranoid.” Yongguk said, in his best authoritive leader voice. “Now what do you want to eat tonight?”
Himchan just stared at him.
Yongguk just cleared his throat and found it suddenly hard to keep their gazes locked. “Look.” He said, licking his lips. He laughed slightly to stall for time, as he wasn't quite sure what to say when faced with these sudden accusations, and Himchan’s unnervingly dark eyes were trained on him, waiting. “I’m Yongnam’s brother, you're one of my best friends, and when you told me you were dating I couldn't have been more glad. You're great together, that’s obvious to anyone with eyes. I really hope you guys have a long and happy relationship.”
Himchan smiled then, face lighting up rather charmingly, teeth peeking between his lips. “Aww, Yongguk!” He exclaimed, pushing him slightly. “You'll make me cry, you big nerd.”
Yongguk laughed out loud, genuinely then, the feeling bubbling deep from within his chest. “Shut up, idiot.”
Himchan went back to making his coffee, shaking his head and still grinning stupidly, pouring hot water into his mug. Yongguk leant back against the counter once more, relaxing. He'd meant every word of what he'd said. Of course everything was okay. Himchan was such a fool.
“So.” Himchan began, taking a sip of his drink to test it, and then another after deeming it satisfying. Yongguk didn't know how he could drink it black. “You don't think I’m attracted to you or anything, right?”
Yongguk stiffened suddenly. Damn it. “That thought has never crossed my mind,” Yongguk said robotically.
“Really?” Himchan turned to face him, wide eyed and earnest, setting down his drink. He took a step forward and Yongguk cursed himself for pressing himself against a hard place, reminding himself not to lean away. He would be still as stone. Open, accepting, not uncomfortable at all as Himchan advanced closer to him. “Because that would be understandable, you know? I’m dating your twin. Your identical twin. Who I think is very, very attractive. A lot of people in your situation might wonder if I think you're attractive by proxy.”
“Well, they'd- they'd be pretty ignorant.” Yongguk choked out. It was suddenly very hot in the kitchen. He had an urge to tug on his collar but resisted, because Himchan might take that the wrong way and think he was feeling uncomfortable or something.
“Maybe.” Himchan said, shrugging one shoulder laxly. He had one hand clapped on Yongguk’s shoulder and had began to rub it in slow circles. His impossibly dark eyes were staring into his, his front teeth bit down on his lip. “Or maybe it wouldn't be that irrational to wonder if I think about you the same way, if I also like you like that and then, if I’ve always liked you like that.
“Yongguk.” Himchan leant in, closer still, til he was so close that their breaths were mixing together-
“This is wrong!”
Yongguk wrenched away, twisting Himchan around so that he was against the counter and Yongguk could back away, holding his head in his hands. A thousand thoughts where buzzing about his mind, all the worries he'd suppressed rushing to the forefront, the nipping anxieties that he'd tried to push away by rationale of ‘better judgement’ becoming a realisation.
Himchan thought about him naked. Himchan knew what he looked like naked. Himchan was possibly in love him with-
“Geez, Guk, you look like you're going to piss yourself.”
Yongguk froze. The white noise in his ears faded away and all he could hear was Himchan’s raucous laughter coupled by the sound of loud, vigorous clapping, and a snigger that sounded far too familiar from childhood games.
“That was hilarious, Guk. You totally bought that.”
Yongguk twisted around in time to see Yongnam round the corner of the doorway, almost doubled over.
“I hate you both,” Yongguk said, jaw clenched. Yongnam had a shit-eating grin on his face, coming forward to wind an arm around Himchan’s waist, who looked very much the gleeful co-conspirator with his teeth biting down on his fist to contain his amusement and his eyes glittering. “You've been teasing me this whole time.”
“Of course we have.” Himchan snorted. “You think I don't know the difference between your ass and Nam’s? Yours is flat as a washboard.”
“That's weird.” Yongguk said, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Yongnam leaned over and pecked Himchan on the lips. “This whole thing is weird.”
“Course it is.” Yongnam said, wrapping his free arm around Yongguk’s neck and pulling him roughly into a chokehold. “You'll get used to it.”
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